Beauty and the Beast
by itsu-sual
Summary: TF:A - Now that Starscream cannot be killed, Megatron decides that he wants him back. How? By asking Starscream for his hand in marriage! Complete.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1 - In which an idea is formed**

Set in Transformers: Animated during season 2.  
There will probably be slash in later chapters, as a warning.  
This is my first full, proper story with chapters and stuff! XD Here goes nothing...

* * *

He sat on his throne, deep in thought, submerged in silence except for the creaking of Blitzwing and Lugnut as they snuck around the base trying to make as little noise as possible. Occasionally, he would hear the whirring of Blitzwing's faces as his two more rational personalities tried to restrain their louder, noisy and altogether random little brother. Now and then, the manic face would push through and a stifled giggle would echo around the room before the panicked cold face would spin back around and silence it.

At least they were trying to be quiet, Megatron supposed, but he let out a disgruntled rumble anyway.

His optics were shut as the idea formed slowly in his head; blurry at first, becoming clearer, logical, planned. Standing proud, an indestructible warrior. Beautiful, dead yet alive, capable of flight…a weapon, an advantage, an asset.

Megatron onlined his optics abruptly, causing Lugnut and Blitzwing to flinch. "We need Starscream back," he declared.

Apparantly, this was just too much for Blitzwing, whose random face raced back into focus laughing and cackling as if Megatron had just told the funniest joke in the world. Lugnut stood, flabbergasted, mouth opening and closing trying to choke out a protest through his shock, while Blitzwing began to roll on the floor clutching at his sides, tears rolling down his black face.

"M-my Lord!" Lugnut finally squawked, "Starscream is a traitor! He needs to be destroyed, he cannot be trusted, he will try to -"

"ENOUGH!" boomed Megatron, as Blitzwing's redder face whirred back into view. "It is obvious, is it not, Lugnut? I keep killing him, yet he comes back from the dead every time! Would it not be an advantage to have a soldier in my ranks who cannot be destroyed?"

"My liege," Blitzwing's blue face flipped around, cool and collected, "as it stands, he is a traitor, and a disadvantage. You vould need to regain his loyalty for him to be useful."

"Correct…now, the issue is how to regain that loyalty," Megatron rumbled thoughtfully.

Lugnut growled unhappily, grudgingly trying to think of an idea to help his idol. Blitzwing's red face spun around and suggested that the three of them beat Starscream up until he pledges his allegiance to Megatron again, but his cold face quickly contradicted this by suggesting a gentler approach by offering Starscream an incentive of some kind. In contrast to Blitzwing, who seemed to suddenly be full of ideas, Lugnut gave up trying to be helpful and went and sat in the corner, sulking that he was not more recognized for his absolute devotion and loyalty.

"OO-hoo-hoo, I know! Vhy don't you get married!?" the black face suddenly chuckled.

The green and purple giant gaped in horror. Married? _Married_? The unsurpassable Megatron, taking that whiny, backstabbing little glitch Starscream as his equal?The very idea! Even more disgusting, certainly, was the thought of Starscream as a _bride_, since there was no way in the pit that Megatron would stoop to anything lower than the role of the groom. He turned to Megatron, expecting to see the same disgust on his master's face, but instead…Lugnut's jaw dropped even further. Megatron looked pensive. Pensive! He was actually considering the awful idea!

"You know…" Megatron said softly, "that's not a bad idea."

With a loud, heavy thud, Lugnut fainted.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 - In which a proposition is made**

I forgot to put a disclaimer in the first chapter, so I'll put it here. I don't own anything. There.

* * *

The control panel beeped softly, signifying an incoming transmission. Starscream turned to face the screen, wondering idly if Megatron was going to raise the bounty on his head to an even higher sum. He stretched as he stood up from the floor, admiring the clone he had been working on - a little beefier than he was, this one, with thick arms and a blue paint job, but brute force could be necessary sometimes.

Predictably, the transmission was coming from Megatron - it was the transmission range that was odd. The transmission wouldn't have made it much further past the moon, so it obviously wasn't being broadcast to Cybertron. Was Megatron trying to contact the Autobots, perhaps? Curious, Starscream opened the file up on screen. Megatron's image flickered into life.

"This transmission is being sent out to former Decepticon traitor Starscream," the silver mech began. Starscream raised an eyebrow. Former? Had one of his more convincing clones wandered off and pledged allegiance to Megatron?

"I'm sure a sneaky little glitch like you can tap into this transmission - " Megatron was suddenly interrupted, his attention turning towards somebody off camera. A voice in the background that sounded suspiciously like Blitzwing reprimanded him, saying "Be nice! Be a _gentleman_!" before Megatron turned back to the screen, steeling himself.

"I'm sure someone as _talented_ as you with transmissions can find their way to this broadcast," he growled through gritted fangs, baring his teeth in what was most likely meant to be a smile, but came across as more of a grimace. "If you are receiving this transmission," he continued, "call me back on a secure frequency. I have a proposition I would like to make to you…in private."

The video ended there with a crackle, and Starscream snorted. A proposition? It must be some sort of trick or a trap, surely. He picked up his current favourite toy, a pair of stasis cuffs, twirling them lazily around a finger. A proposition. Perhaps Megatron had finally realized just how necessary he was to the Decepticon cause? Or perhaps Megatron was going into retirement soon, and was finally giving up the position of supreme leader to him? No, that was too optimistic, Starscream decided, tossing the cuffs to the opposite hand and spinning it around his smallest claw. Briefly, his scientific side calculated probabilities and chances, deciding it was a 50 percent chance of being a trap. Good enough.

He flicked on a switch, keying in encryption codes and selecting a frequency.

Back at the Decepticon base on earth, Megatron paced around the room, a dark look on his face. Lugnut and Blitzwing sat huddled in the corner together, partly out of fear, partly out of camaraderie, but mostly as an unspoken shield against their leader's ire.

"Ohh he has ze pre-proposal jitters!" Blitzwing's manic face whispered nervously with a giggle, earning him a smack from Lugnut. His angrier personality screeched into focus, about to deliver a violent comeback, when Megatron turned to face them with a glare. Fortunately for the two Decepticons, the main console began to beep, and Blitzwing's calmer personality flipped around and rushed to the controls.

"Incoming transmission on an encrypted line, my liege!" he announced. His manic face returned suddenly, and whispered "Remember to charm him! Be _romantic_!" Megatron shuddered in disgust, grimacing, but nodded, giving Blitzwing the signal to accept the transmission. Starscream's face, looking particularly unimpressed, was brought up on screen - slightly jerky, the image flickering unsteadily, as if his transmitter was damaged.

"What do you want, Megatron?" he sneered, putting unnecessary emphasis on each syllable of the Decepticon leader's name. The transmission adjusted itself slightly, and the Decepticons on earth noticed Starscream sitting cross-legged, twirling a pair of stasis cuffs around his talons. _Definitely ze bride_, Blitzwing chuckled to Lugnut over a private comm.-link. Lugnut snorted disapprovingly.

"Ah, Starscream. I knew you'd be able to find my transmission," Megatron began, arms outstretched in a gesture of welcome, with his most devilish smile plastered over his face plates.

"Cut the slag and get to the point. I'm a busy person," Starscream spat, twisting his features unpleasantly as he leant back into his chair, swivelling from side to side.

"As you wish," Megatron purred. "I'm sure you are well aware of how…scattered our forces have become over the millennia. My current target, therefore, is to collect the Decepticon forces together, to unite us as a single, powerful entity." From the screen, Starscream nodded slowly in agreement, but his expression still remained unimpressed.

"It has always been fliers, skilled and talented like yourself, that has led our forces to victory, wouldn't you say, my dear air commander? And it seems of late, that you have somehow become…indestructible. How could I ignore such a powerful warrior? How could I possibly succeed without you?" he continued dramatically. Starscream smirked, raising an optic ridge with surprise.

"You should have been an actor, Megatron. Flattery is nice and all, but I've long been able to see through your false words," cackled the flier. "Isn't that why you stopped throwing compliments my way a million years ago? I repeat, cut the slag. Get to the point."

"Of course," hissed Megatron through a smile. "My point, little Starscream, is that I want you back in my ranks. The problem with this, of course, is that you are a traitor. Tell me, what is it you want? What is it that would unite you with me?"

"To switch positions with you. To be supreme commander of the Decepticons," Starscream said, betraying a slight tinge of hope, questioning, in his voice. Megatron chuckled darkly at the predictable response - the stubborn optimism was almost endearing.

"Oh, I can't give you _that_ Starscream. But I can give you more power…a higher position…more _importance_," he rumbled pleasantly.

"Lies. I was already the second in command. The only higher position is your own," hissed the seeker, optics narrowed.

"But that is where you are wrong, my lovely traitor. There is _one_ position that would make you _almost_ equal to me…"

Starscream brightened, then looked hesitant. "What's the catch?" purred the flier, twisting the stasis cuffs around in his hands. Megatron grinned roguishly, chuckling to himself and enjoying every moment of dragging out the suspense, every twitch in the expectant face on the other side of the screen. Abruptly, he leant down on one knee, raising an arm outwards towards the screen and taking great delight in the shock on Starscream's face.

"Starscream, will you marry me?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 - In which things become more complicated**

I hope people don't mind that I update my fics very quickly when I'm inspired for them and have a lot of time on my hands. If it gets annoying, let me know. Also I felt a bit mean leaving the last chapter on a cliffhanger!

* * *

Blitzwing was excited. Blitzwing was distant. Blitzwing was furious. It all depended, of course, on which one of him you happened to be talking to, but he came to an agreement within himself as he settled down to recharge that the day hadn't gone too badly. He reflected silently upon it from the outside, while his three personalities chattered amongst themselves within his processor.

It was so romantic when Megatron proposed to Starscream!

It wasn't romantic at all. It was a carefully crafted, meticulous display of his talent for twisting people to his will.

It wasn't crafted. It was power - power to lure even a traitor like Starscream into a fearsome army.

Whatever it was, Blitzwing cackled amongst himselves, it sure was hilarious to see the look of absolute horror on Starscream's face. It had been followed by rapidly blinking optics, the seeker's face twisting to reveal emotions that were usually guarded - incredulousness, consideration, disgust, pride - before settling onto something dark, furious, violent, as if it had come from the pit itself.

"You're mocking me!" he screeched, so loudly that the camera on his end jarred and the speakers whined with static and echo. Unexpectedly for the audience of Decepticons on earth, Starscream ripped open his cockpit to reveal his empty spark chamber. "You _killed_ me! I have no spark to bond with!" He began to reach for the controls that would close the communications frequency, when Megatron stopped him.

"Starscream, wait," he said soothingly, trying to buy himself a moment to think of something to placate the furious flier. "You misunderstand me…a bond and marriage are not necessarily the same thing. In marriage, you will be my equal…well…almost…I do not want you for such a vulgar, carnal thing as bonding. I want you as my _partner_, my right hand."

Making sure they were well out of view of Starscream, Lugnut and Blitzwing silently applauded Megatron for saving the situation. Starscream growled, calming slightly, and leaned back in his chair, resuming the twisting of his stasis cuffs around his finger. He thought for a moment, glaring directly into Megatron's eyes on the screen, calculating, deciphering. The Decepticon leader did not flinch under the cold optics locked onto him - if Starscream wanted to be cautious, then so be it, as long as his allegiance was returned to Megatron. Instead, he smiled indulgently at the dimly lit face.

"I think, _mighty Megatron_," hissed Starscream sarcastically at length, "that _you_ misunderstand the concept of marriage. You barely even know me as anything other than your subordinate. You couldn't treat me with respect if your spark depended on it. You know slag all about me! Do you honestly expect me to believe that you could stand me as your 'partner'? As your wedded, beloved (hah! _Beloved!_ The idea of you loving anyone!), sickness-and-in-health yadda yadda _wife_?"

At this, Blitzwing nudged Lugnut. _See, I told you he vas ze wife, _he comm.-linked the purple and green titan. Megatron frowned slightly, keeping his eyes on the screen, hesitating for a moment. Perhaps he had not thought this plan through quite so thoroughly.

"If you really _are_ serious," snarled Starscream, who was visibly growing more agitated, "then I suggest you learn a little bit more about me first. I will be at the centre of the sea of serenity tomorrow at midnight, Detroit time. And if you are _not_ serious, then I don't recommend you try and contact me for a very, very long time."

"Fine," Megatron agreed gruffly, "tomorrow, at midnight."

The video snapped off with a hiss, and the screen showed the purple Decepticon emblem on it once more. Megatron stared after it for a few moments, then slammed his fists against the console with a roar. Blitzwing and Lugnut flinched.

"This is going to be far more complicated than I had originally anticipated," growled Megatron, storming across the room and pouring himself a glass of high-grade energon.

"At least he didn't say no," Blitzwing's manic face grinned cheerily.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 - In which the opposite faction become involved**

It's incredibly hard writing Starscream and Megatron scenes without making them too fluffy and OOC, or violent and unpairable. I am having trouble with them, so instead, as requested, the Autobots get involved! Hints of pairings in here.

* * *

Optimus Prime was pacing as Ratchet tapped his fingers against the controls of teletraan-1.

"It's too quiet," Optimus suddenly declared. Ratchet, Prowl, Bulkhead and Bumblebee turned towards him curiously. "We haven't seen the Decepticons in weeks. They must be up to something. We even retrieved two all-spark fragments without a fight! Two!"

"I dunno, that vending machine that the all-spark brought to life gave us quite a beating…" Bulkhead mused.

"Careful what you wish for, Optimus," Ratchet grunted, turning back to the controls. It was true, though - it had been suspiciously quiet. Even the communications lines had been dead, except for two calls - both of which had been for Prowl. The first had been from Jazz, and since Ratchet had shooed the others out of the main room to give Prowl some privacy, they could all only guess what that call had been about. The second had been from Lockdown, inquiring after what became of the mods he leant to Prowl. Needless to say he was not impressed to find that they'd been blown up, and had demanded a considerable amount of credits to go towards replacing them, but after an hour of arguing Prowl had finally convinced the bounty hunter that Starscream's explosion was to blame, therefore, Starscream should replace them.

As if in an answer from Primus, teletraan-1 suddenly started to ring an alarm.

"Looks like you got your wish, boss," Bumblebee chuckled as the screen began to indicate a Decepticon in the area. Ratchet shook his head, mumbling something along the lines of "I told you so", and "you just had to say it, didn't you?".

"The distorted energy signature indicates it is Blackarachnia," Prowl informed them quietly. Optimus looked up hopefully.

"Can we contact her by her communications link? Perhaps it would be better to avoid direct confrontation." With a few deft keyboard strokes, the communications link was quickly opened by Prowl.

"Don't you Autobots know that if a spider leaves you alone, you should leave the spider alone?" snarled the voice over the channel.

"Elita - I mean, Blackarachnia, we don't mean any harm! We just want to know why the Decepticons have been so quiet lately," Optimus pressed, hoping to appeal to the former Autobot in her. She cackled.

"Wouldn't _you_ like to know," laughed the spider. "Word on the street is, Megatron's getting hitched."

And with that ambiguous statement, she closed the line. The Autobots stood silent, open-mouthed. Soon, however, Bumblebee and Bulkhead started to laugh like little sparklings, rolling around on the floor with tears falling from their optics. Ratchet looked unimpressed.

"Surely the evil Decepticon leader cannot be marrying for love," Prowl said incredulously.

"If I know those Decepticons, it's probably a marriage of alliance, getting more power, if you know what I mean. If, of course, the rumour is true, which I'm not convinced it is," Ratchet growled.

"HE CAN'T MARRY HER!" howled Optimus suddenly. The others fell silent and turned towards him in surprise. "We have to save Elita - no, Blackarachnia! She can't marry him! We have to stop the wedding!"

"Oh yeah, I forgot boss-bot had the hots for her back in the day," Bumblebee whispered to Bulkhead, nudging him in the arm, who stifled a laugh.

"Now, now, Optimus," Ratchet calmed the young leader, "it's her decision, you can't stop her."

Prowl revved his engines suddenly to attract their attention. "I'm sorry, but she never actually _said_ it was her he was marrying. If Ratchet is right, that it's a marriage of alliance, then it would also be illogical to assume Megatron was marrying Blackarachnia. She is already in his ranks - he has nothing to gain from her."

"Who'd want to marry someone as butt-ugly as Megatron anyway?" Bumblebee piped up.

"Well whoever it is, we have to find out!" Optimus announced decidedly. "For our own sake…and theirs!" The other Autobots nodded in agreement. The matter was settled.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 - In which a discussion is held**

I wrote this chapter twice. The first one was a disaster. This is the second version, and I think it keeps to their personalities much better. Also, to the person who commented about that song from the Corpse Bride - wow, Starscream really _is_ a corpse bride, since his spark is destroyed! XD

* * *

Megatron landed with a soft thud on the moon, a small puff of dust rising up from the disturbance. He looked around at the empty landscape for a moment; the cold, white desert of the moon. Well, he thought, it certainly was private. Kicking himself upwards, he drifted closer to the co-ordinates Blitzwing had given him - the centre of the sea of serenity. Vaguely, he wondered if Starscream was going to try and trick him with some new take-over attempt, but cockily dismissed the idea as he remembered the twenty failed take-over attempts he had foiled in the last month alone.

For a moment, he tried to remember all the advice that Blitzwing and Professor Sumdac had tried to give him before he left the base. Be polite, be considerate, don't shout at him, give him compliments, give him presents, bring a bottle of fine energon, romance him, keep the conversation topic on him, don't be condescending, don't criticize him…all the different things they'd told him to remember were giving Megatron an ache in his central processor. It was all so uncharacteristic, so strange, so…_Autobot_ like. He'd much rather take Blitzwing's original advice of "smash him into a pulp until he says yes".

He was pushed out of his reverie by the abrupt clicking of a null ray beginning to charge, aimed straight at his spark chamber. He was unsurprised to find that he, too, had his fusion cannon charging out of pure instinct and reaction, pointing straight at Starscream's head before he had even executed the program command in his CPU.

"Ceasefire," Megatron grunted simply.

"Ceasefire," repeated Starscream cautiously, and, keeping their optics firmly on one another's weapons, the two mechs both detached their weapons, tossing them to one side. More of habit than anything else, Starscream and Megatron began to circle each other slowly, suspiciously, leaving small puffs of moon dust dancing around their feet.

"You're late," said Starscream impassively.

"Fashionably so," smiled Megatron devilishly, noting that their circle was beginning to get smaller, spinning closer to one another. Their optics were locked together, both trying to read one another's thoughts through unemotional eyes in a permanent stalemate. Closer, closer. Megatron knew this game well - it was only a matter of who cracked first, Sumdac's suggestion of "don't be intimidating" completely forgotten. The Decepticon leader began to amuse himself with this menacing closeness by taking note of Starscream's features. Perhaps, he thought, as he admired the handsome face of his former second in command, Starscream would at least make a trophy wife.

Starscream stopped circling abruptly, causing Megatron to freeze defensively, prepared for attack. Then he noted the incredulous frown on Starscream's face.

"You're serious?" he squeaked. The harmless question caught Megatron off guard more than any sarcastic remark could have, and he raised his optic ridge and opened his mouth slightly, surprised.

"I came, didn't I?" he rumbled, trying in vain to sound like he was in control of the conversation. Starscream's frown deepened, then he turned his back, walking towards a crater in a symbolic gesture of being at ease with a fellow Decepticon. Starscream sat down elegantly, legs crossed, and looked at Megatron expectantly. Megatron gave a small, slightly sarcastic bow, and obligingly sat down in another crater facing the seeker.

"Let me guess," Starscream grinned, a slight lilt to his voice and wide optics, "it was Blitzwing's idea." Megatron nodded, a roguish smile spreading across his face, folding his hands together. "And what in the name of Primus, exactly, convinced you this was a _good _idea?"

"I am a bachelor, after all," Megatron chuckled darkly, "but it is the idea behind the marriage itself that struck me. You want power. I'm not giving up my position as leader. You want to be my equal. I want you back as my second in command. If you marry me, both our needs our satisfied, my dear traitor. You are in the only position almost equal to me - as my wife. I am still the leader of the Decepticons. You have more power. I have you by my side again," smiled the silver tyrant enticingly.

Starscream thought for a moment, cocking his head to the side. He leaned forward suddenly, staring at Megatron intensely, and spoke in a very serious tone. "It wouldn't be a very happy marriage at all."

"No?" Megatron questioned, with mock surprise.

"You'd beat me up. We'd argue the whole time. Our egos would clash more than they already do. We'd have to share a berth. We would be constantly trying to murder each other," he continued in a sing-song voice. "And I, for one, wouldn't be satisfied in a marriage like that at all."

"Why, Starscream," said the larger mech soothingly, "what makes you think that? I intend for us to be _joined_ in matrimony, not torn even further apart. I wouldn't harm my own wife. Wouldn't you be satisfied, being at the highest position you could ever possibly attain in the Decepticon army, ruling alongside me? Don't you see this endless cycle we've fallen into? You defy me. I punish you. You defy me because I punished you. I punish you more. This could be an _end_ to that."

Megatron stood suddenly, and Starscream visibly froze, ready to defend or attack. Megatron strode over to the crater where Starscream sat, and leaned over him menacingly, moving his mouth closer to Starscream's audio unit.

"How tense you are…" whispered the silver giant, pressing closer as Starscream cringed backwards into the crater, "see how little trust there is between us? Marry me, Starscream. Let me rebuild the trust we have lost. Let us join together, as a single, deadly force, Decepticons united."

Suddenly, Megatron's comm.-link shrieked into life, shattering the tense silence and atmosphere Megatron had worked hard to build. He snarled and stood tall, leaving Starscream pressed fearfully against the crater wall.

"Lugnut, I _specifically_ told you not to call me - what do you _mean_ the Autobots have infiltrated the base? For spark's sake, Lugnut, deal with - what do you mean you can't deal with it!? Oh for Primus'…fine, fine, I'm coming, slag it all," he roared into the comm.-link. He closed it, growling curses to himself, and then seemed to suddenly remember Starscream's presence. He held out his hand to the flier to help him up, and Starscream grudgingly accepted it. Megatron pulled the flier close to him.

"I am afraid I must cut our 'date' short, little Starscream," he murmured in as gentle a voice as he could muster, "It seems our comrades are incapable of dealing with a handful of Autobots. I shall have to make it up to you…perhaps you would like to join me for dinner next week?"

Starscream eyed him suspiciously, then nodded slowly.

"Excellent. Then come to the Decepticon base next Saturday, by the human calendar, at midnight. Until then, please think about what I have told you." The Decepticon leader stood still for a moment, looking down into Starscream's wide, unreadable optics. Hesitantly, he placed a light kiss above the seeker's optics, causing the smaller Decepticon to flinch.

Megatron turned quickly to conceal his embarrassment, scooped up his fusion cannon, and took off in the direction of Earth.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 - In which various mistakes are made**

Thank you to everyone who has left me reviews! It makes me really happy to know that people are enjoying my stories and to hear what you guys think about "Beauty and the Beast" so far. Though some of them keep getting cut off...is it just my browser, or is this site being weird?

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"Scanners indicate four of ze Autobots are standing outside, und Blackarachnia is hanging around somevhere in here, but Primus only knows vhere. Should ve go and scare avay ze Autobots, Lugnut?" questioned the calmer side of Blitzwing, who sat staring intently at the main control panel.

"Blitzwing, you fool! If we go outside and reveal ourselves, they'll know this is our base!" roared the purple and green Decepticon.

"Ja, but if zey already know zis is our base, zey vill attack us in here and zen ve vill be at a disadvantage in zis enclosed space," sighed Blitzwing irritably.

"Perhaps if we call Megatron and see what - "

"Nein! He'll kill us! He could be doing…_things_ vith Starscream!" Both Blitzwing and Lugnut shuddered violently.

Thankfully, their thoughts were rapidly turned to another subject as the Autobots, minus the "noisy yellow one" as Blitzwing referred to him, burst through the wall with a deafening crash, weapons ready and pointing straight for the two Decepticons and effectively cornering them. Blitzwing comm.-linked Lugnut briefly with a mischievous _I told you so_.

"Alright, Decepticons! Where is she?" Optimus Prime yelled heroically. An awkward silence followed.

"Vhere is who?" Blitzwing said curiously as he stared at the young Autobot leader oddly, dropping his guard for a moment. Lugnut used the moment to sneak towards the main controls.

"The bride! We know you're keeping her hostage here! Where is Blackarachnia?!" demanded Optimus. As if in answer, a string of web suddenly shot out and pinned Optimus down to the wall, followed by Blackarachnia dropping down silently from the ceiling. This, in turn, set off the other Autobots - Bulkhead charged at Lugnut, Prowl pounced for Blitzwing, who tried to blast Ratchet with ice, while Ratchet aimed at Blackarachnia and simultaneously pulled Optimus free of the web.

"Hold your horses, mister. What in the pit makes you think _I'd_ marry Megatron?" snapped the spider. Distantly, Lugnut bellowed something about showing more respect to their 'grand and illustrious leader'. "I'm not the bride, and for your information, I'm here of my own will! Where do you get off playing the hero-rescuing-the-princess?"

"If you're not the bride," Prowl began, shuriken dangerously close to a fuel line on Blitzwing's neck, "where is she, and more importantly _who_ is she?" The Decepticons shuffled uncomfortably for a moment, uncharacteristically looking to each other for help.

"Zat is…delicate," Blitzwing broke the silence first, then spun his head around to his manic face. "Zey are on a date together! Isn't zat cuuute?!"

"Not anymore!" Lugnut roared triumphantly, "I have contacted Megatron, and he will be back to destroy you all in moments!" The Autobots looked at each other worriedly, realizing that Megatron would be particularly full of murderous intent after having been interrupted from his 'date'. Optimus gave the call to retreat, and they all rushed out of the hole in the wall that Bulkhead had made when they'd charged into the Decepticon headquarters.

"MEIN GOTT!" screamed Blitzwing's red face, "Vhat have you done, you fool!? He's going to kill _us _vhen he finds no Autobots in ze base, except for zis giant gaping hole in ze vall, and you interrupted him! HE SAID NOT TO CALL HIM! HE SPECIFICALLY SAID NOT TO CALL HIM!"

Lugnut gulped.

Back at the Autobot base, Sari groaned, stifling a yawn. "Bumblebee, it's only 3 AM, the sun isn't even up yet. Why are you pacing around? Hey…where is everybody, anyway?"

"Oh man, Sari, you'll never believe it!" Bumblebee chirped excitedly, "Megatron is getting _married_! Hah! Can you believe it? Big ugly is getting hitched!"

Sari blinked. "This is just a really, really weird dream, right?" she yawned. Bumblebee shook his head, giggling like a sparkling. "Since when do you guys get married? I thought that was a human thing. I mean Ratchet vaguely explained bonding to me…I didn't really get it."

"Well…we don't get married very often, I don't think, but…anyway, everyone's gone off to look for the Decepticons because they think they're holding the bride hostage. Optimus got all freaked out and thought it was Blackarachnia that Megatron was marrying, you shoulda seen his face! But then Prowl, or was it Ratchet? I think Ratchet said that it was probably a marriage of alliance. But," he pouted, "they left me here to look after you."

Suddenly, the other four Autobots sped into the old warehouse, transformed into their robot forms and collapsed on the floor, cooling systems gasping for breath. Bumblebee jumped up and down excitedly, asking a hundred questions all at once, most of which got waved off irritably by the exhausted Autobots.

"So who's the bride? Was she pretty? Was she wearing a wedding dress? Wow, do you guys give each other diamond rings too? Those must be some _huge_ diamonds," chattered Sari to Bulkhead, becoming more interested as she shook off her lethargy.

"Well," Optimus sighed, relieved, "it wasn't Blackarachnia anyway. At least she's safe for now, so everything seems ok."

"What do you mean it 'seems ok'?" snarled Ratchet, "In our hurry to get away from the wrath of Megatron we didn't find out who the bride was! For all we know, Megatron could be marrying into something that will bring him huge power and influence! It could even turn some of our own faction against us! We need to get the Elite Guard on the case!" At this, Prowl looked up hopefully, while Sari, Bulkhead and Bumblebee made rude faces and noises at the mention of the Elite Guard.

"After the effort it took trying to make them see that the Decepticons were alive and kicking, I don't think they'd believe us even if we told them," Optimus sighed, "I can hardly believe it all myself. But I guess we have to try."

As the Autobots set to their task, off-planet a lone figure tip-toed through the abandoned halls of the Nemesis, twirling, twisting stasis-cuffs around his fingers. His optic ridge was knit into a frown, features riddled with worry and confusion. He walked past his own image countless times in countless colours, silent and still as death - purple here, blue there, some orange, some red. He could bring them all to life if he wanted to, of course, but after the first one he had given life tried to blow up what little remained of the ship (with the original Starscream still in it), he preferred to keep them as mindless drones. Absently, he danced his hands over the transmission control boards, replaying his message from Megatron.

Despite being surrounded by a hundred clones, with a sudden pang of loneliness Starscream noticed that his spark chamber felt even emptier than it already was.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 - In which the stage is set**

Thank you to the anonymous that gave the suggestion of bringing Soundwave in. I hope this suits your tastes! I realize this chapter is a bit of a filler-chapter between events, but I felt it was necessary to move the story on.

* * *

Megatron stormed past his three cowering underlings, barely even facing in their direction and almost completely ignoring the large hole in the wall, save a small, disapproving glare directed towards it.

"Where is Professor Sumdac?" he growled, pivoting on his heel to face Lugnut, Blitzwing and Blackarachnia.

"Lugnut hid him before ze Autobots attacked, my liege," Blitzwing's red face yelled rather too loudly, accompanied by a shaky salute.

"Bring him to me," snarled Megatron, "I have need of his…advice."

Lugnut and Blackarachnia crept into the corners of the room, trying to press themselves into the shadows and away from Megatron, while Blitzwing hurriedly activated the switches that would bring Sumdac's little 'cage' up from the lower levels of the base. In record time, the cage clunked up into the main room, with a very bewildered Isaac Sumdac wobbling around in it from the sudden motion.

"Ah, there you are," Megatron rumbled, "what can you tell me about the customs of giving a…'romantic dinner'?"

Both Sumdac and the other Decepticons blinked in surprise. "Well, um…in my limited experience," he began, confused, "you invite them over to your home, or a suitable romantic setting, with candles or some gentle music in the background maybe…um, then you engage in conversation until they seem hungry, and then you present them with your finest food and drink, compliment them a bit, um…talk some more…"

"Very well," Megatron grunted, "but tell me…what are these 'candles' you speak of?"

"They are long, sticks of wax with a string in the middle that sticks out a bit from the top. You set fire to the string at the top, using them as a source of light. Very ancient earth technology, you might say," explained the professor nervously.

"And what is the purpose of these candles? How is inferior lighting technology such as this 'romantic' in any way?" spat Megatron, betraying a slight disgust at the word 'romantic'.

"Well, the, ah, limited light produced gives off a certain mood to the surroundings, making it kind of…cosy."

"OOOH!" Blitzwing's manic face suddenly shrieked, "It is like ze spooky lights ve used to have on ze Nemesis!" he exclaimed, clapping his hands together excitedly. "It vould make Starscream feel right at home, my liege!"

"Fine, fine," Megatron stood up with a frown, "Blitzwing, your mission will be to find me some of these 'candles'. Make sure they are big enough for our standards, these fleshlings are so terribly tiny." At this, Blitzwing sped away into the Detroit morning. "Now…fine food is settled, I shall just have to spare some of my private collection of vintage energon. The next task is to find some of these odd sound patterns you humans call music…"

"'Odd sound patterns'…that sounds familiar," Sumdac mumbled to himself. Megatron slammed his fingers against his throne in realization.

"Of course! Soundwave! Lugnut, your mission will be to go and retrieve Soundwave!" roared the Decepticon leader triumphantly. Lugnut looked at him hesitantly, then to Blackarachnia, who shrugged, then turned back to Megatron.

"My Lord…what is a…'Soundwave'?" squeaked Lugnut fearfully. Megatron groaned to himself.

"Ah, I forgot. He was a Decepticon capable of advanced communications which I created during my…_weaker_ state," he glared at Sumdac. The professor cowered behind his chair. "His last transmission came from the underground tunnels used for trains in Detroit. I shall give you his energy signature identity. Now go!"

Lugnut sped off, bellowing various praises to the Decepticon cause.

Meanwhile, at the Autobot base, communications had finally been established with the Elite Guard.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Optimus Prime," sneered Sentinel. "What are you bothering us with this time? Werewolves? Quintesson vampires from outer space? Decepticon soap operas?"

Optimus shuffled uncomfortably at Sentinel's last suggestion. "I…think it might be better if I speak to Ultra Magnus about this directly, Sentinel…"

"He's a very busy person, Optimus, I'm sure you - " Sentinel was suddenly interrupted by someone off camera that Optimus recognized as Jazz " - no, Jazz, it's Optimus, not Prowl. No, you can't just - where was I? Oh yeah. Just spill it already, Optimus. What's the problem?"

"Megatron is getting married."

Sentinel gave him an odd look. Even Jazz poked his head around to look into the camera and give Optimus a disbelieving stare. All at once, the two Elite Guards began to laugh hysterically, smacking their fists against each other in glee. "Ohh Optimus, you're such a joker." And with that, Sentinel rather rudely shut off the communications link that the Autobots had been working on all morning to establish.

"I told you they wouldn't believe it," Optimus said, turning to Ratchet.

At the Decepticon headquarters, things were going equally badly as Megatron argued bitterly with Blackarachnia over what counted as appropriate décor for a romantic date between two of the most powerful Decepticons in the universe.

"I'm _telling_ you, the table needs flowers to give it colour! Roses, daffodils, anything! And this tablecloth is disgusting, you'll never impress him with this piece of rag!" screeched Blackarachnia, exasperated.

Megatron slammed his fist down against the table in question. "And I'm telling _you_, I will not have some girly organic slag like _flowers_ littering my table! And what's wrong with the tablecloth? It's only got, what, three stains on it, tops!" he roared, eyes burning like fires from the pit.

"You can't have a slagging stained tablecloth on a date! What's Starscream going to think, huh? Plus, the colour is like mouldy space barnacles, you need something vibrant, something stylish! Red, purple, whatever, just not this!"

Professor Sumdac rubbed at his temples, trying to ease his headache. Shouting had always given him a headache - giant robots shouting at each other were starting to give him a migraine. Thankfully for the professor, Lugnut tumbled back into the headquarters with a crash, holding up a blue boom-box decorated with the Decepticon emblem triumphantly.

"My liege, Soundwave has been recovered!" he announced. As Megatron turned his back to greet Soundwave, Blackarachnia silently and stealthily swapped the tablecloth for a dark purple one, then scuttled away in her spider form to begin searching for flowers.

"Soundwave, how good to meet you in person at last…although you are…rather smaller than I designed you to be," Megatron said warmly.

"Autobots; responsible. Key; necessary," Soundwave droned.

"Yes, absolutely, I'm sure we will be able to restore you to your correct form in no time. However, for now we have far more important matters at hand - I am in need of your talent for 'music'," explained Megatron, "what do you think of playing romantic music for me this Saturday?"

"Suggestion; heavy metal," Soundwave replied emotionlessly. Megatron looked to Sumdac questioningly - the professor shook his head violently, clearly mouthing "no". Megatron sighed irritably.

"I am not sure that is quite what I am looking for, Soundwave. Try again," coaxed the Decepticon leader.

"Suggestion; punk rock," answered the boom-box. Again, knowing nothing about human music, Megatron looked to Professor Sumdac. The scientist shook his head even more violently this time, muttering "no no no" just loud enough for Megatron to hear. The silver giant growled.

"No, I do not think that is appropriate either, Soundwave. Perhaps Professor Sumdac can give us a suggestion?" Megatron said through gritted teeth, fangs bared threateningly at his human captive.

"How about some nice classical music?" Sumdac tried.

"Classical; inferior. Heavy metal; superior," Soundwave droned, louder now. The boom-box began to argue with the professor over music styles, and Megatron decided to leave them to bicker over it. Turning back to the table, he felt his anger reaching even higher levels at the sight of the purple tablecloth, and slammed his fist against it to relieve his fury.

If Starscream didn't say yes after this, Megatron thought indignantly, he might just have to murder someone.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8 - In which a romantic dinner is held**

Definitely the hardest chapter to write, and the longest so far. But fear not, it isn't the last. This is also probably the most serious chapter, I think. Sorry? oo; I'm not really sure if I'm happy with this chapter myself, but I guess I leave it to the mercy of my reviewers.

* * *

Starscream swore loudly to himself as he landed on the outskirts of Detroit. Descending into Earth's slagging atmosphere had burnt off all the hard work and effort he'd put into waxing himself - not to mention how long it had taken him to _find_ the wax in the burnt up husk of the Nemesis in the first place. It had taken hours just to get the door to the abandoned storage room to even open, and Primus only knew how many hours he'd spent trying to get all the dents out of his armour. Now here he was, armour scruffy, dented and dirty all over again, minutes before he was supposed to be meeting Megatron. He hurriedly tried to brush himself off, swearing, spitting and cursing viciously.

"That kind of language isn't very befitting for a bride-to-be, now, is it?" a familiar voice called out suddenly. Starscream turned his head up, curses falling away. He glared at Megatron, teeth bared like a wild animal, all kinds of insults and snide remarks on the tip of his tongue as the silver Decepticon walked towards him, smiling indulgently.

"You're late," smiled Megatron, teeth glinting threateningly in the moonlight.

"Fashionably so," sneered Starscream, brushing himself off indignantly. Megatron chuckled at Starscream's predictable attempt at a role reversal, and held out his hand in welcome. Starscream continued to glare at him, ill at ease and full of suspicion, before taking it and letting himself be led towards the Decepticon hideout in silence. Megatron walked slowly, at a leisurely pace, allowing Starscream to settle into Megatron's company better. He turned his head occasionally to peer curiously at his date - despite his efforts, Starscream still looked worried and suspicious of the whole ordeal.

"Starscream, will you close your optics for me?" purred Megatron as they arrived at last at the entrance to the base. Starscream frowned, twisting his mouth, mistrustful. Before he had a chance to object, Megatron had leaned closer to him, whispering "trust me, just this once."

Hesitantly, the seeker offlined his optics, Megatron coaxing him forward into the base. "It would be better if you put your thrusters on," Megatron said soon after, "I don't want you falling down the stairs." Frowning deeper still, Starscream did as he was told and kicked his thrusters into gear, hovering in mid-air as Megatron pulled him downwards. Starscream could hear Megatron's heavy footsteps as they descended the staircase - it seemed to go on forever, but then again, Starscream had no idea how long the staircase was, having only ever entered this particular hideout through the ceiling or the wall. Finally, Starscream felt himself being pulled forwards rather than downwards, and at last, Megatron stopped.

"Thrusters off, optics on," he said pleasantly. Starscream's air intakes hitched slightly as he did so - the base looked nothing like it had the past few times he'd seen it. Everything was pitch black, save the dim glow of a few controls and…what were those things on fire, anyway? In front of them was a large table draped in purple, with Megatron's throne dragged up to one side of it, a slightly smaller throne on the opposite side. A cube of expensive looking energon, deep purple like the tablecloth, was placed to one side of the table, with two, clear glasses sat next to it. All of a sudden, Megatron clapped his hands once, and soothing sounds began to reverberate quietly around the base.

Starscream allowed himself a rare, genuine smile, and said very softly, simply, "Impressive."

"Come, sit," Megatron beckoned, pleased with the seeker's reaction. The larger of the two drew out the smaller throne for Starscream. The seeker sat, slightly bewildered, as Megatron turned and placed himself in his usual seat. Reaching for the energon, he poured it into each of the glasses, then pushed it delicately towards the flier. Starscream sniffed at it.

"You drink from it first," insisted the flier, pushing it back towards him. Megatron glared at Starscream irritably, and then took it, sipping at it.

"There. No poison," growled Megatron, handing it back. Starscream shot him a devilish smirk, and sipped at it himself.

"So…what are these…things?" he asked curiously, pointing at the candles.

"Ancient earth technology, or so I am told, used in the present day as a source of ambient lighting," explained Megatron in an offhand tone, drinking deeply from his energon. He leaned forward, engines revving quietly, "and it flatters you, I must say."

Starscream turned his head away with a mumbled "thank you", uncomfortable and feeling his internal temperature rising slightly. He fidgeted, swirling his energon around in his glass as Megatron watched him attentively. The music drifted over them in the background.

"Do you remember Shockwave?" Megatron began slowly, then continued when Starscream nodded his head, optics looking up shyly. "We were good friends before you were even created. I remember, back when I promoted you to third-in-command, he kept teasing me and saying that I'd only promoted you because you were young and handsome," chuckled the silver leader.

Starscream gave a soft smile. "And was Shockwave right?"

"Absolutely not. I promoted you on account of your talents…though I dare say your looks didn't count against you in the matter," rumbled Megatron, smiling roguishly and leaning back into his throne. Starscream was slightly disturbed to find himself leaning forward to make up for the loss of distance between them. The seeker stared at Megatron curiously, unsure as to where the conversation was turning. There was a pause, as Megatron searched for words.

"You're very beautiful, Starscream." The flier's red eyes widened, looking startled. He opened his mouth, but shut it soon afterwards, staring down at his lap.

"I, um…I mean, thank you and all…I've…been thinking about what you said. The other day, y'know. We need…we need to talk about it," stuttered Starscream, composure broken by the single compliment. Megatron smiled to himself, finding Starscream's embarrassment endearing. He tilted his head curiously, prompting Starscream to continue. "I think you don't understand the original reasons behind why I defied you," continued the flier more confidently now.

"Continue," Megatron grunted, expression darkening.

"I think…that until you understand the original reasons, nothing between us will change, and I cannot marry you," whispered the smaller of the two.

Megatron leaned forward menacingly, eyes burning. "Help me understand these reasons, then," he said with as much restraint as he could, teeth gritted. Starscream shrank back into his own chair, optics wide.

"Back when we were doing well in the war, you…you treated me with respect. You asked me for my opinion, as air commander, and when I gave it to you, you took it into consideration," he choked out, "and when I made mistakes, you punished me fairly, and showed me my errors, so I would not make the same ones again. I was happy, as second in command. Then everything started going down hill, and with it, the way you treated everyone around you. You took out your anger on all of us - I'm sure you killed more than a few of us in your rage. There was no morale left - it was every Decepticon for himself again, the way it was before you joined us together under your leadership."

The silver of the two leaned back into the shadows of his throne, red eyes glowing through the darkness. "And it was this that turned you against me then," he said in a low voice that chilled Starscream's neural nets to his core processor. Starscream gulped.

"Yes, sir," he whispered meekly, "if…what I mean to say is…I'd be happy to marry you, if you'd just…be the leader I loved and respected a million stellar cycles ago."

Megatron stood suddenly, throwing his glass violently at the ground with an audio piercing crash. The music stopped at the noise - the sudden silence was deafening. "You think it's that _easy_, Starscream?" he spat, "This isn't the cosy little age of revolution we were once in. It sounds to me like you want to marry an _Autobot._"

Starscream's optics narrowed, pride pricked. "_How dare you_," he hissed, eyes flaring, claws flexing.

"Then what is it you _want_?" Megatron roared, slamming his fist against Starscream's chair and falling to his knees before Starscream, amongst the shattered glass and spilled energon. Starscream's optics widened slightly, then the seeker smirked. Without even realizing it, Megatron had just given him something he'd been wanting for centuries.

"Well, this makes a nice start," he murmured daringly with his most dashing smile, enjoying the feeling of looking down on his leader for once. Megatron snorted at the reply, a crazed look in his eyes and an insane grin on his face, then leaned forward jerkily, pinning Starscream to the smaller chair and regaining the upper hand once again. The flier shuddered involuntarily as he felt Megatron's air vents blowing warm air onto his armour, Megatron's mouth only inches away from Starscream's own.

"And _then_?" croaked Megatron hoarsely.

"Prove to me…that you can treat me with respect again," Starscream continued, voice shaking and almond optics large, "prove to me that you won't beat me for offering you advice…that my talents will be valued…and then…I will be all yours."

The Decepticon leader continued to glare at the seeker hungrily, half thoughtful, half murderous, and for a moment Starscream had the acute sensation that he was well and truly slagged. However, Megatron suddenly stood and looked away into the darkness, seeming to regain his self-control with great difficulty. He paced around for a few moments, cooling systems whirring busily, then turned and faced Starscream.

"It has taken me over three million years to build my reputation - the _sparkles_s Megatron, the _tyrant_ without mercy, death himself walking!" he exclaimed with a rare seen passion flaring in his eyes.

"I never said I didn't like that about you," Starscream mumbled against his logic processor's better judgement. Megatron paused, looking at the seeker curiously, and Starscream did his best to feign innocence, opening his optics as wide as they would stretch and tilting his head to one side.

"Don't you understand, little one," he said, deceptively softly, "how much I sacrifice for you already by asking for your hand in marriage? How much of my reputation is at stake, by appearing to have a spark after all, by going soft on the worst traitor in Decepticon history?! Is that not maybe, _just maybe_, a sign of how much I value you?! I don't _know_ how to prove these things to you! In all my many years as a proud Decepticon, I have never known such foreign things as gentleness or affection! And I realize now, that perhaps I was mistaken in thinking that I might learn to be a good husband to you along the way!" he roared, his shouts echoing all around the dark base.

His air intakes wheezing to try and cool his systems down, he slowed in his rage, lowering his voice and continuing, almost sadly, "Perhaps I was mistaken in thinking that you might give me another chance as your…your husband."

As he looked to Starscream, he found an expression on the seeker's face, as if something divine had suddenly clicked inside the seeker's processor, an expression that he had never seen before and couldn't for the life of him decipher. Very quietly, Starscream whispered something, almost entirely obscured by the noise of Megatron's cooling systems. The silver tyrant froze, disbelieving and not daring to hope he had heard Starscream correctly.

"What…did you just say?" he choked, his own optics mirroring the wide ones of the flier.

"I said…please ask me again," whispered Starscream.

Megatron sunk to his knees, exhausted, relieved, and completely fed up with this whole business of being romantic. Then he crawled closer towards Starscream, who was still sitting in the smaller throne. Leaning his arms on Starscream's lap, Megatron paused to regain his breath and collect himself. He stared up into the almond shaped optics looking down into his expectantly, shifting himself closer and finally seeing the glint of emotions in Starscream's eyes all too alien to Decepticons - delight, affection, resolution…satisfaction.

"Starscream," he said breathlessly, clasping his hands together as if he were begging, presenting the traitor with one of his true, exceptional smiles, "will you marry me?"

"_Yes_."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9 - In which invitations are sent**

Not much to say this time. Keep letting me know what you think, though! I've been hearing some good suggestions in the reviews :)

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The Decepticon base was quiet, and unusually calm - Megatron was recharging soundly after the horrific ordeal of having to be romantic, while Blackarachnia and Lugnut finished tidying up the broken glasses of spilled energon and put away the tables and candles. There was an unspoken sense of relief between the Decepticons in the base; if Starscream hadn't said yes_ this_ time, they were all sure that they'd come back from their mission of "get-as-far-away-from-the-base-as-possible-and-don't-bother-Megatron" to a sound beating from their leader.

"Ringel Ringel Reihe, Sind wir Kinder dreie...la la la...dum dee doo," Blitzwing sang to himself merrily from the main console. Blackarachnia peered at him suspiciously through her multiple optics.

"Lugnut. He's singing," she stated blankly. Lugnut turned lazily to look at her, not particularly bothered by Blitzwing. "He's _singing_ Lugnut. That means he's up to something. He always sings when he's up to something." The purple and green Decepticon narrowed his single optic at the triple changer.

"Blitzwing," he grunted, "what are you doing?"

"Writing vedding invitations!" squealed Blitzwing cheerily. Lugnut gaped.

"Shouldn't you leave that to Megatron and Starscream? It's their wedding, not yours," Blackarachnia said, raising all her optic ridges.

"Ja but zey are so antisocial, if ve leave it to zem nobody will be invited!" protested Blitzwing's calmer face, spinning suddenly into view. "So far ve have Shockwave, Soundwave, Lockdown, Swindle, maybe Astrotrain but he is _zo_ grumpy, maybe Octane, Mixmaster, Scrapper, Oil Slick, Professor Sumdac, you two, myselves…and zen zere vill be ze bride and groom of course. I vonder if zey have any family?"

"Where did Starscream run off to anyway?" Blackarachnia asked suddenly. The other two shrugged. Blitzwing suddenly gasped.

"He's…not in Megatron's chambers…is he?" Blitzwing gulped, horrified.

"He went back to his own hideout," a voice suddenly broke in to the conversation, preventing any further speculation as to Starscream's whereabouts. The three Decepticons turned around to see their groggy leader stoop forwards into the main room, rubbing at his helmet sleepily, optics dim. "What did I hear about wedding invitations?" he grunted.

"Blitzwing was compiling a list of wedding guests," Lugnut announced with a salute.

Megatron nodded, sitting down in his throne with a slight groan. "Good…good…send it to our bride to look over. I have a suspicion that Starscream has some relatives lurking about the galaxy," he grunted. His three subordinates looked at him curiously - obviously, it seemed, being nice for extended periods of time was a huge strain on the leader of the Decepticons. All of a sudden he let out a soft snore, falling into recharge sitting up in his throne. Lugnut stood over him worriedly, while Blitzwing's manic face returned to focus.

Well, if Megatron didn't seem to mind who got invited to the ceremony…

Moments later, a light "ping" was heard in the Autobot's base. Prowl turned his head towards the console curiously as the others sat around the TV discussing where to go from this point.

"I'm telling you, guys, just get Prowl to sneak into the Decepticon headquarters and wait until he sees someone with an engagement ring on! Then you'll know it's the bride!" Sari shouted, trying to make herself heard amongst the adult Autobots. Ratchet sighed, rolling his optics towards the ceiling.

"For the last time, Sari, we don't have engagement rings on Cybertron!" he snapped.

"Well maybe Prowl can just sneak in anyway and listen in! Maybe they'll talk about the wedding!" insisted Sari. Prowl cleared his engines suddenly, trying to catch their attention.

"It seems that we have an invitation," he announced with a small smirk. The others rushed towards teletraan-1, the message already opened up on screen:

'_Dear Autoboobs and fleshy child with the pigtails,_

_ You are invited to attend the wedding of the leader of the Decepticons, the mighty Megatron, to his fiancée in three weeks. The ceremony will be held at the Decepticon base in downtown Detroit on the 12__th__ of May by human standards. Bring presents or else. _

_- Blitzwing_

_ P.S. Soundwave says please could you bring that key thingy along, he's fed up of being a boom-box.' _

The Autobots stood in silence for a moment, gawping at the letter in shock.

"Well, I suppose it would be rude not to go," Optimus suggested hesitantly. "Maybe Blackarachnia will be the bridesmaid…?"

"Why doesn't it say who he's marrying? You're meant to say who the groom is marrying!" Sari said, exasperated with all the secrecy over who the bride was, scanning her eyes over the text looking for a clue.

"What the pit do you buy a Decepticon as a wedding gift?" Bumblebee asked, awestruck. "Do-it-yourself torture kits?"

"I don't want to go if Soundwave is there!" Bulkhead huffed. "I thought I got rid of that creep for good!"

"Sounds like a trap to me," growled Ratchet, "maybe we should forward this to the Elite Guard. Now that we actually have an invitation as proof this thing is really happening, they might finally believe us. Or they might at least want to attend the wedding too…I guess…" he scratched his dented chin thoughtfully.

"Fine, but Prowl can deal with them this time, I don't want to be laughed at by Sentinel…again," Optimus muttered darkly. Prowl brightened at the prospect of talking to Jazz again and nodded. "Sari, Bumblebee and Bulkhead, you two investigate the…wedding presents. Ratchet and I will try and get in contact with Blackarachnia or the other Decepticons to find out more. Hopefully we can arrange a ceasefire or something for the day…"


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10 - In which Lockdown sees an opportunity for business**

Thank you again for the reviews! Nothing to say this time...

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"Congratulations on your engagement, Starscream," chuckled Lockdown.

Starscream peered at him curiously. "How did you…Who told you? How do you know? And how did you even get on this frequency?" gaped the flier, pointing accusingly at the flickering transmission screen. Lockdown gave him an offhand smirk.

"Let's just say it's my business to know. Oh, and thanks for the wedding invitation. I'll make sure to be there," winked the bounty hunter. Starscream opened his mouth with an indignant frown.

"Wedding invitation!?" he squeaked incredulously.

"I think Blitzwing must have written them, judging by the appalling handwriting," Lockdown mused, more to himself than in answer to Starscream. "He didn't get my name either - just wrote 'dear bounty hunter with the funny face and spikes'. Terribly rude, but I'm not expecting much from a Decepticon wedding here." Starscream buried his face in his hands. He _knew_ he should have stuck around the Decepticon base last night instead of leaving these things to those morons back on earth.

"So anyway, let's talk business," said Lockdown pleasantly, "I can get you anything you need for the wedding, at a price, of course. Wax for you and the groom, energon treats for the guests, decorations, security…maybe something 'special' for your honeymoon…"

"I don't even _want_ a ceremony!" wailed Starscream, wringing his hands. "I just figured Megatron would get an official to come along and that would be that!"

"Oh, but Starscream, it's your big day! You want it to be special, don't you? Speaking of which, have you thought about your hen night? I can get you some good high-grade to smash you up for that," Lockdown coaxed. Starscream groaned.

"Fine, fine! I'll talk about it with Megatron," growled the seeker, "now slag off."

"Excellent!" Lockdown grinned crookedly. "I'm sure I can work out a real bargain for you guys." And with that, he signed off. Starscream cursed to himself and began to type in the codes to access the Decepticon base. A few moments later Blitzwing's calm, blue face was shown on screen, looking slightly bewildered at his work being replaced with the displeased face of Starscream.

"Blitzwing! Wedding invitations! What!" snapped the seeker irritably, optics flaring.

"Oh, hallo Starscream. I vas sending out ze invitations for Megatron. Do not vorry, I vas going to send you ze list of people I invited afterwards in case you vanted to invite any more friends und family," he explained.

Starscream twitched. "_List_ of people? Who have you invited?!"

"Vell, so far, ve have you and ze groom, of course…Blackarachnia, myselves and Lugnut…Shockwave, Soundwave, Swindle, Lockdown," he counted on his fingers thoughtfully, "and zen ve have Astrotrain and Octane possibly, Mixmaster and Scrapper said zey'd come for ze booze, Oil slick, ja and Professor Sumdac, and I invited ze Autobots, their pet fleshy, oh! Maybe ve should invite Wreck-gar!"

"Autobots? _Autobots!?_" squeaked Starscream, jaw dropping even further. "What the pit got into your screwy little processor?! And don't even _think_ about inviting Wreck-gar, he'll stink up the entire base! Oh holy Primus, Blitzwing, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

"Vat's wrong vith _you_?" said Blitzwing defensively, looking hurt. "If I didn't do the invitations, nobody vould!"

"Fine, fine! Just don't invite anyone else! That's more than enough!" Starscream sighed in defeat, throwing his arms up in the air. "Now get me Megatron!" At this, Blitzwing let out an offended huff of air from his intakes and scuttled away, mumbling something along the lines of 'coulda said please' as he went. Starscream waited a long while, faintly hearing arguing in the background between Lugnut and Blitzwing, then between Blackarachnia and Lugnut, before Megatron finally sauntered into view looking particularly malicious.

"I hope you haven't had a change of spark, Starscream," he said in a low tone. "Blitzwing has already sent out the invitations - I will not be humiliated by you now."

"No no, it's not that," Starscream waved him off irritably, "I want to know what the frag is going on! Why do we have to have guests? I don't want some big fancy ceremony! And then Lockdown was trying to sell me all sorts of nonsense! And what even _is_ a 'hen night'? It's all going too fast! And did you know that Blitzwing invited the Autobots?!"

"Look, just calm dow - AUTOBOTS?! Blitzwing! What in the name of the All-Spark were you _thinking_?!" bellowed Megatron. From off-screen, Blitzwing retorted something, to which Megatron replied "NO IT DOES NOT MAKE IT BETTER THAT THEY'RE BRINGING PRESENTS!" He slammed his fist down and muttered a threat at Blitzwing that Starscream couldn't catch, but the squeak of terror Blitzwing made in response told him all he needed to know.

"Can't be helped now," growled Megatron, grinding his fangs together bitterly, "anyway. My dear Starscream, I'll _personally_ make sure that no more guests are invited. I was thinking of having Shockwave as the official to join us - he is a good friend, and the only Decepticon with the official status needed. Lugnut informs me that Swindle has offered to check and confiscate weapons from guests. I do not want the proceedings interrupted. Any objections so far?" he purred.

"Well…that's ok," Starscream sighed, calming slightly. "What about Lockdown? And the chicken evening?"

"You mean hen night. Sumdac informs me it is a human custom - very unnecessary," he waved the idea off. "Lockdown will prove useful, however. I will order some high-grade for the guests from him…perhaps some poison for the Autobots…and I am sure you will want to look your most beautiful on the day. Go ahead and choose some wax and polishes from his wares that takes your liking - don't worry about the price. I only plan to do this marriage thing once, after all, and I intend to make it memorable."

Starscream smiled softly at Megatron. "Anything else, my little fiancée?" said the silver and red Decepticon kindly, pleased with the content smile on Starscream's face.

"Yeah…beat Blitzwing up real good for me," Starscream smirked, then closed the line.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11 - In which bartering occurs**

Getting closer to the wedding now...!

* * *

Somewhere, somehow, Primus was laughing at him. Ultra Magnus was utterly convinced of this.

The scanners all came up with the same answer - the message had originated from the Decepticons. The encryption codes were those only Decepticons used. The phrasing and wording were Decepticon in nature, and rather impolite at that. Everything came up reeking of the stench of Decepticons, so it was perfectly logical to assume that the message had come from those slaggers, and yet it was still the most singularly absurd thing Ultra Magnus had ever had the misfortune of dealing with; an invitation to Megatron's wedding.

Sentinel sat sulking as the ship sped towards that god forsaken mud-ball of a planet Optimus and his crew were on. Ultra Magnus contemplated knocking himself out with his own hammer in the hope that things might be _normal_ again when he came to, and Jazz, optimistic as always, sat peacefully with a smile on his face.

"Here comes the bride, all plated white," he sang cheerfully to nobody in particular, earning a glare from Sentinel Prime.

Their ship was not the only one on a course for Earth that day, however, though this other red ship was taking a slight detour to the moon. Lockdown's ship sunk slowly onto the dusty white surface, and soon enough he emerged from it carrying a large crate. He made his way leisurely to the crashed Nemesis, and gave a violent kick to the side of the purple warship. A panel slid open, only just big enough for the bounty hunter and his wares, and he casually stooped inside. He looked around thoughtfully for a moment - it had been a long time since he'd been invited into the Nemesis. Suddenly, he noticed Starscream standing at the end of the long corridor.

"Evening," grunted Lockdown, mouth breaking into a twisted smile.

"Lockdown," Starscream answered simply, staring at him cautiously. The bounty hunter set down his crate and rummaged around for a moment, then produced a scruffy data pad from a compartment in his thigh.

"A gift," he chuckled, handing it to Starscream. The flier looked over it curiously. "It's a bill," explained Lockdown.

"What the - you slagging - ! Destruction of property? What property?" snarled Starscream disbelievingly, tossing the data pad to one side.

"I believe your clones blew up some of my mods. Those things don't come easy, you know - I'm just trying to get my compensation here," continued the bounty hunter, seating himself comfortably in a discarded and creaky chair. Starscream frowned.

"All I've got are null rays."

Lockdown considered for a moment. "All right then. Two null rays, then we're even."

"Done," Starscream said coldly and turned, wandering into another room. For a few minutes, Lockdown was left alone, then Starscream returned, tossing him two of his preferred weapons. The green mech examined them, inspecting the barrel and firing a few experimental shots at the wall, then nodded.

"Now, let's get down to business shall we?" he grinned, opening the large crate he had dragged in with him. Starscream knelt down and glanced over the items in the box - various expensive looking polishes and waxes in all sorts of colours and fragrances, a few bottles of bubbly energon in sickly, fluorescent shades of magenta, and an assortment of spare parts for fliers. Tentatively Starscream selected a black pot of wax, twisting the lid off and giving it a sniff. Crinkling his face plates, he hurriedly put it back in its place, and picked up a deep purple bottle of polish. From his expression, Lockdown could tell that this one was slightly more to Starscream's liking, and the seeker placed it to one side.

An hour or so later, Lockdown felt like he might fall into recharge any moment - the seeker had opened, inspected, sniffed and peered at every single wax and polish in the crate twice over, and was now surrounded by a slapdash collection of pots, bottles and containers. At last, Starscream turned back to the ones he had pulled out from the crate…

…and then began to sniff at them_ again_. Lockdown groaned. "How hard is it to choose a wax and a polish?!" he said, exasperated.

"But I don't know what Megatron likes!" protested Starscream, raising his head with a distressed expression over his face. "I'm not fussy so long as it doesn't smell like stale oil - slag, I haven't bothered with this stuff since I was in the science academy - but I don't know what the pit is ok with our big bad leader!"

"He's not exactly fragrant himself," mumbled the bounty hunter, rolling his optics, "I can't help you there, but I'll hazard a guess for something classy."

Starscream snorted. "Only 'cause they're more expensive," he chided, looking down at his selection again. He picked up a lilac bottle of polish delicately with his left claws and a turquoise pot of wax with his right. "Ok, these two then. And a bottle of bubbly energon - that strong one there with the smiley ball of fire on the label."

"_Finally_. Keep them then, Megatron said he'd pick up the bill," Lockdown stood, stretching, closing up his crate and walking towards the door, eager to get out of the Nemesis as quickly as possible. Long visits were never his style anyway. Starscream nodded goodbye to him, then the bounty hunter strode towards his small red ship, pleased with his success. Now, he thought, time for a visit to Megatron.

It took a few hours to get to the Decepticon base on earth from Starscream's makeshift home on the moon, by which time it was nearing sundown in Detroit. Punctual as ever, Megatron stood on the top of the cliff outside his headquarters waiting for Lockdown, tapping his foot impatiently.

"And?" he pressed the bounty hunter as soon as Lockdown got out of his ship with a slightly larger crate. Lockdown chuckled.

"You'll have to wait until the wedding," he smirked, "but they were good choices, rest assured. Subtle, classy little things. Now it's your turn." He clicked open his crate - as well as wax, polish, energon, spare parts and various toxic looking concoctions, there were a small amount of decorations, trinkets and packets of energon-cake. Megatron rubbed at his helmet with a groan, without a clue where to start, when a small, pot of black wax caught his optics. He picked it up and sniffed at it, then nodded, satisfied.

"Ah…you might not want that. Starscream didn't like it," Lockdown said cautiously. Megatron growled, throwing it carelessly back into the crate. He picked up a red bottle of polish and looked expectantly at the bounty hunter - who shook his head to indicate that it was another bad choice. Then a brown wax - wrong again. Megatron sat cursing to himself for a while, scratching at his helmet and trying to work his processor around what kind of wax and polish Starscream would like him to use - and utterly failing. He glared at Lockdown expectantly, and after a few moments the green mech figured out that this was what passed as Megatron's 'plea for help' face these days.

"Try blue," grinned Lockdown, and Megatron's servos quickly gravitated to a pair of deep, dark, almost-black blue wax and polish tubs. The silver mech sniffed at it; the smell wasn't overpowering, but it was noticeable, and slightly soothing to his circuits.

"These then," he grunted, moving along to select the other necessary objects. Energon, oil, fuel and alcohol were easy choices to make, as was the poison for the Autobots, having a rather detailed knowledge of the subject. A few dozen packets of energon-cake (mostly to satisfy Blitzwing's sweet tooth more than anything else), the bare minimum of decorations, a fair amount of cheap glasses for energon, and finally, he was done.

Lockdown calculated it swiftly in his processor, coming to the total sum. "234,091 credits," he stated. Megatron frowned irritably, then put back a dozen packets of energon-cake. Blitzwing would just have to do without - Primus knew he didn't deserve any energon-cake for inviting the Autobots, after all. Lockdown recalculated, this time coming to the sum of 233,492 credits.

"232,000," Megatron grunted.

"No way. 233,400, lowest," scoffed Lockdown.

"232,200 credits. I can take my business elsewhere, you know."

Lockdown shot him a dirty glare. "233,000. You know that's the best price this side of the delta galaxy."

"Done." They shook hands over it, and Megatron took out a data pad, keying in various credit codes before passing it to the bounty hunter. Lockdown checked it thoroughly, nodded, and turned back towards his ship.

"I'll be in that old warehouse in the suburbs until the wedding, if you need anything else," he called over his shoulder nonchalantly. "No point going all the way back into deep space until afterwards." With this, he entered his ship and activated the cloaking device, hiding it from sight.

Megatron comm.-ed Lugnut, Blackarachnia and Blitzwing. "Get up here and help me with this stuff. We have a wedding to arrange," he ordered, allowing himself a small, smug grin before turning to pick up his purchases.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12 - In which our bride arrives**

I admit it - I've already written the wedding ceremony chapter XD but I still need to fill in the happenings up until that point, so you'll have to wait just a chapter or two more for it!

* * *

Starscream touched down on Earth - his descent had been much slower this time, partly out of nerves, partly because of the crate full of his few possessions he was carrying. It was odd thinking that these few weeks had gone by so quickly - he'd been updated by Megatron now and then of the happenings on Earth, of course. Shockwave, Swindle, Lockdown, Mixmaster, Scrapper and Soundwave had all arrived and were all milling around the base too waiting for the wedding day (and predictably, had been roped in to help with the arrangements). Astrotrain, Octane and Oil Slick hadn't appeared yet, and thankfully, there had been no sign of the Autobots preparing to crash the wedding.

The seeker turned to the two figures behind him, who stood looking around, confused at their new surroundings. "This way," he said softly, and they followed after him in the direction of the Decepticon headquarters.

As they came to the entrance, Starscream signalled for them to hang back a little, and after entering the base he looked around cautiously. Just as he expected - Shockwave sat calmly on the floor, observing everything going on around him. Next to him was the blue boom-box that had been playing music on their 'romantic dinner', which Starscream had since learnt was, in fact, Soundwave. Today he had decided on a mix between jazz and the blues, it seemed. Then there was Swindle, trying to con Lugnut into something or other, while Lockdown looked on with a knowing smirk. Mixmaster and Scrapper were building something that looked like a platform.

Then there was Megatron, who was bellowing at the main console, "How the _slag_ did you find this frequency!?"

"We've been making random guesses for the last two weeks," Ultra Magnus replied disdainfully. "It seems our patience has paid off. I have contacted you with the help of the other Autobots in order to arrange a…cessation of hostilities, if you will, for the wedding. I'm sure you want the wedding to go smoothly, after all."

"There is always a catch," growled the Decepticon leader.

"My only request is that you…ah…forgive myself and the Elite Guard for not bringing a gift," answered the head if the Autobots. "I'm afraid we did not have time to look for one on such short notice."

"Very well," Megatron replied, "there will be a temporary ceasefire between us on the date of the wedding. It seems I have no choice but to excuse you for not bringing a gift." Irritably, he closed down the transmission, rudely on purpose. He then barked an order for someone to change the frequency signal so that the Autobots couldn't contact him again.

During this little interchange between the two factions, Blitzwing and Blackarachnia had appeared from behind Starscream, putting their hands over his mouth to keep him from shouting out. Then, they both put a finger to their lips, signalling him to stay silent. Starscream nodded, slightly amused by the whole thing, and beckoned to his two guests to follow him. Blackarachnia, having never seen them before, jumped in surprise.

Two perfect clones of Starscream stood behind him, differing in only the colour and slight alterations in body type. One was purple, standing nervously behind the other clone, and the other was blue, standing tall and proud. Both were slightly larger and bulkier than the original Starscream, with faces a shade lighter. They followed after Starscream obediently, casting a glare towards the Decepticons down below in the main hall. Hurriedly, Blackarachnia and Blitzwing led all three Starscreams to a private chamber. The door, obviously sound proof, was then locked.

"Who are these guys?!" exclaimed Blackarachnia, pointing at the two clones.

"My clones," Starscream said, stating the obvious. "Two of my favourites - made from the best materials I had salvaged. I thought that I needed to have some guests at the wedding of my own, at least, so they have come as my family. I intend them to be my wing-mates, eventually."

"Name's Thundercracker," said the blue one gruffly, holding out a hand to Blitzwing and Blackarachnia. "This purple freak is Skywarp. Don't startle him." Starscream frowned slightly - these clones were getting far too self-aware for their own good, even going so far as to name themselves now. Maybe he should have used smaller shards of All-spark…

"Why are we in here?" Starscream asked suddenly, moving the attention away from his duplicates. Blitzwing's random face turned around with a manic grin (Skywarp shrieked and jumped behind Thundercracker, frightened. The blue clone sighed, ashamed, putting his face in his hands.)

"Vell ze vedding is tomorrow! Ve can't have Megatron seeing you before zen, can ve?" Blitzwing crooned in his sing-song voice.

"Did you bring the wax and polish?" Blackarachnia asked, smiling unusually kindly, though her smile still scared the slag out of Skywarp, who hugged Thundercracker close for protection. Thundercracker shoved him off, swearing.

"It's in my crate," Starscream said, one optic on his bickering clones. "Shut up, you two. Go sit in the corner and stay quiet." Sulkily, the purple and blue clones traipsed into a corner of the chamber, mumbling 'this is your fault' at the other. Blackarachnia took the crate from the original Starscream and opened it, inspecting the contents for a moment. There was the wax and polish, and a bottle of particularly toxic looking bubbly energon. A pair of stasis cuffs, some spare null rays, some sort of device which she assumed was used to control the clones if they got too out of hand, and an assortment of data pads. Blitzwing looked over her shoulder, giggling with glee when he saw the bubbly energon. He reached for it, but Blackarachnia smacked his hand away, pulling out the wax and polish.

"Time to get you ready, Mrs. Megatron!" chuckled the techno-organic. Starscream snarled at the nickname in disgust while she opened the wax and polish, beckoning for Blitzwing to come over and help her. The triple changer rubbed his hands in glee; beating all the dents out of Starscream was going to be _fun_.

Down in the main hall, Megatron was fuming with rage at not having been told sooner that Starscream had arrived safely. Worse still, he had not been allowed to greet Starscream before he was taken away to be prepared for tomorrow's ceremony - the Decepticon leader had had some threats that he'd been meaning to give the seeker about what he'd do to him if he had a change of spark and said "No" or "I don't" tomorrow. Shockwave tried to assure Megatron that it was probably better for Starscream's mental health that he hadn't had a chance to threaten him right before the wedding, but to little effect.

Shockwave decided that he'd visit Starscream, on the pretence that he was delivering the threats in Megatron's place, and wandered around the base looking for the right chambers. He peered his single optic around each of the different chambers, searching in a logical order as was his nature - the smell of burning in Blitzwing's chamber disturbed him, as did the catastrophic amount of mess in the Constructicons' room. After a while of searching, he finally found a locked room, and knocked on it softly.

"Who is it?" called Blackarachnia. Shockwave announced himself, giving his full title along with his name. It made him feel important, though he wouldn't admit it outright. He heard the faint clinking of locks and mechanisms being reversed in the door, and the worried face of Starscream peeped his head around the door, optics wide and fearful.

"Ah, hello Starscream. It's good to see you again," Shockwave said pleasantly.

"I'm not Starscream," said the Starscream in a shaky voice. Shockwave blinked. Oh dear, he thought to himself. Megatron had obviously used some pretty extreme torture tactics to get Starscream to agree to this marriage business - his circuits appeared to be fried, and just before the wedding day, too. This was worrisome indeed.

"Let him in, Skywarp," called a similar voice, and the Starscream stood out of the way to let Shockwave in. As he entered, Shockwave found himself staring with his single optic at not one, but three Starscreams, in varying hues. Perplexing indeed - perhaps it was _him_ that the wedding was getting to; now he was seeing triple.

"Shockwave, it is good to see you again," said one of the Starscreams, "these are my…brothers, shall we say. Skywarp," he pointed the purple one, who was cowering in fear of Shockwave's 'scary' optic and mouthless face, "and Thundercracker," he pointed to the blue clone, who sat in the corner glaring at everything, not bothering to even look at the new entrant. Blitzwing was poking at a particularly stubborn dent on the original Starscream's wing, while Blackarachnia had started with waxing Starscream from the feet upwards.

"Nice to meet you?" Shockwave said unsurely, rubbing at this head in confusion. "Anyway - I'm here for Megatron, since he's been banned from seeing you until the ceremony, as custom dictates and all that. He's worried that you're going to back out at the last minute - well, I say worried, but you know how he is; threatening and swearing at anything that moves."

Starscream smiled. "No, I'm not backing out. I'm not a coward," he replied, giving a pointed look towards the wary Skywarp.

"Excellent. Secondly, I just thought I'd offer you my assistance - for the future. If you two ever need…how shall I put it…marriage counselling, I'd be more than happy to help you sort Megatron out," continued Shockwave cautiously. "Consider it an early wedding present."

"Thank you," Starscream nodded.

Shockwave hesitated for a moment as he turned to leave the room. "Blitzwing," he said. The triple changer's calm face spun around to look at him curiously. "Punch it the other way. You're making the dent worse." With that, Shockwave left. Starscream tried to twist his head to see what Blitzwing had done, and growled when he caught a glimpse of a very, very large dent on his right wing.

"So zat vas ze problem!" Blitzwing said, enlightened, clapping his hands together in glee. The other members of the room groaned.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13 - In which our guests arrive**

I really hope you guys like this and the next chapter! Let me know what you think :)

* * *

The morning of the wedding rolled around lazily, bright and clear despite the weather station's predictions of rain. It had taken all night to get his subordinates into gear, but at last Ultra Magnus was satisfied that his Autobots were a decent, morally upstanding representation of their kind and their cause. They had all been polished briefly, just enough to make them respectable (or not noticeably dirty at least). Bulkhead had found himself a little bow tie that Sari had assured him looked "just smashing", though he wasn't entirely convinced and kept tugging at it worriedly.

Sentinel Prime was insisting on having his face guard up at all times - by what twisted logic the others couldn't figure out, but if it kept him from making a huge fuss over going to the wedding at all, so be it. Prowl and Jazz stood near to each other, both standing tall and proudly and trying their damnedest to blend in with the surroundings. If the Decepticons didn't notice them there, they figured that there would be less of a fuss between the factions. Ratchet hadn't put a lot of effort into his appearance; weddings just made him feel old anyway, and the after party always made him grumpy seeing the young ones dancing around like energy grew on trees.

Sari had gotten hold of a white dress with the help of Bumblebee which she hoped looked smart enough. The little girl planned to spend the entire day perched on Bumblebee's shoulder, since the guests would almost entirely consist of giant alien robots liable to stomp on her (though secretly she hoped that the Decepticons might be keeping her dad hostage, and let him join in the celebrations). Bumblebee was wearing a matching white tie, and like Bulkhead, felt ridiculous.

"Sir, should we take our weapons with us just in case?" Sentinel pressed. Optimus rolled his optics - they'd been over this more than twenty times now.

"No, Sentinel. We don't want to incite them; we've arranged a ceasefire after all," Ultra Magnus repeated himself. Again. "All right, Autobots, we appear to be ready. Optimus, you lead the way. Transform and roll out!"

At the underground Decepticon base, preparations were also well under way. Since the previous day, the Constructicons had worked hard to make a platform on which the rites would be held by Shockwave, with rows of seats strong enough for their kind. There wasn't an aisle down the middle, since the two builders had reasoned that it would look kind of odd having so few guests on the bride's side and so many on the groom's.

The morning had mostly been taken up with squabbling over who got to sit where, while the bride and groom were each being prepared in their separate chambers. Lugnut had taken it upon himself to assist Shockwave with waxing and polishing Megatron, but had proved to be more of a hindrance than anything else. Blackarachnia and Blitzwing had worked hard through the night on Starscream as his clones recharged peacefully in the corner together. There had been a small crisis during the night when Blitzwing had accidentally frozen both the polish and the wax, then fried them in his attempt to defrost the solutions; thankfully however, Mixmaster had been able to use the ingredients on the pot and bottle labels to replicate the formulas.

By the time the sun rose, Starscream had become a nervous wreck. His clones were startled into wakefulness by their original copy screaming, Blitzwing and Blackarachnia doing their best to restrain the bride to be from running out of the room and flying back to the moon. Skywarp and Thundercracker had been drafted in to keep him held down while Blackarachnia finished polishing him, though Skywarp chickened out quickly for fear that he'd be hurt by Starscream.

"I can't do it!" wailed the seeker mournfully. "What if he doesn't like me? There are going to be _people_ watching! I can't have a wedding with Autobots! Oh sweet Primus, why did I ever agree to this! I left something on the moon, please let me go get it, please just OH PRIMUS I CAN'T DO THIS!"

Blitzwing slapped him and Starscream abruptly stopped crying with a hiccup, shocked. "Zhere. Now calm yourself, Starscream."

"You're going to be Megatron's equal!" Blackarachnia said supportively, giving him a pat on the helmet. "Isn't that what you've always wanted?" Starscream nodded gently, lip still trembling, with watery optics. Thundercracker, meanwhile, was rapidly losing the will to live in the corner of the room - not only was his brother-clone a complete wuss, his original was going full on with the waterworks over a teensy weensy "I do". Pathetic.

Thundercracker's exasperated sigh caught Starscream's attention. "I know! Thundercracker! Pretend to be me! I command you!" he pleaded. Thundercracker's jaw dropped, his scowl intensifying.

"No slagging way! You ever heard of a phrase that goes 'you may kiss the bride'? I'd rather be stuck on a planet with that glitch Skywarp for the rest of my life than kiss your ugly fiancé!" he yelled back. Starscream's optics filled with fluid again in disappointment, while Blackarachnia reminded him that Megatron wouldn't fall for that little trick again - he'd been very careful to inspect the colour of Starscream's armour since that incident with Lockdown.

"Come now - you have an hour or two more to prepare yourself and calm down. Think how much fun you'll have on your honeymoon!" Blackarachnia crooned.

"I'm having a honeymoon?" Starscream said, blinking his optics with surprise. Blitzwing slapped a hand over Blackarachnia's mouth, his red face spinning into view.

"YOU FOOL! I could crush you wiz my bare hands!" he roared, then turned to Starscream. "Pretend you don't know _anyzing _or Megatron vill destroy us all_. _It vas meant to be a surprise."

Starscream smiled and rubbed his optics dry at this strange revelation; perhaps Megatron cared for him more than he had thought.

At the same moment, Ultra Magnus knocked hesitantly on the entrance to the Decepticon base. Swindle flung open the panel jovially. "Weapons inspection!" he grinned, incredibly pleased with the job he had been assigned. Ultra Magnus protested that his hammer was meant to be a signal of status, but Swindle would have none of it, confiscating it and shooing him inside. Ratchet, Jazz and Prowl passed inspection, as did Optimus, though Swindle was highly suspicious of Sentinel Prime, declaring him "a rather threatening fellow" for wearing his battle mask to a wedding. Bulkhead passed, but had a bit of trouble getting his bulky frame through the door; it took a team effort from Bumblebee and Swindle to shove him inside.

"You!" exclaimed the arms dealer suddenly, noticing Sari perched on Bumblebee's shoulder. Swindle ran inside and returned with a blue boom-box. "Key please!" he said cheerfully. Sari scowled and point-blank refused, until Swindle took out a rather large gun and pointed it at her.

"Hey, I thought there was a ceasefire today!" Bumblebee protested.

"Weapons inspectors need a weapon of their own to defend themselves with! You never know what ruffians will appear trying to disrupt an innocent wedding ceremony," Swindle said defensively, looking slightly hurt. Reluctantly, Sari placed the key against Soundwave, and the boom-box transformed into his original miniature form. He looked down at himself, and a glint in his visor displayed his disappointment that he was not larger; oh well, he would just have to go and kidnap some more of Detroit's automatons and use them to rebuild his body. Swindle then took the box Bumblebee had been carrying and looked at it distrustfully.

"It's a wedding gift," Bumblebee explained. Swindle shot him a dirty glare, added the present to a pile near the doorway, then let Bumblebee pass into the Decepticon base. Before following the other Autobots downstairs, he turned back to Swindle. "So, who _is_ the bride?"

Swindle looked at him. "You don't know?" he asked, surprised. "It's Starscream, of course."

There was a long, long silence, and for a few moment Swindle wondered if Bumblebee and the human had died in their places - then he remembered that fleshies didn't stay that still anyway, and would have slumped over and fallen off the yellow Autobot by now.

"You're joking," Bumblebee choked out eventually, blue optics so wide that they were threatening to fall out of their cavities. Swindle shook his head and laughed at Bumblebee mercilessly. These Autobots were so strange, but so _funny_!

"Bumblebee! How can Megatron be marrying Starscream? They're both…both…men!" squeaked Sari into Bumblebee's audios as he slumped his way down the long, winding stairs, still in shock and mumbling to himself occasionally.

"We don't have gender like you guys do," he grunted, passing off her question as silly. "That isn't what's weird about it. But it's _Starscream_ Sari! What in all that is sweet and holy and ordained by Primus _happened_? Weren't they trying to like…kill each other a few weeks ago? How is _this_ going to bring Megatron power? Alliance maybe, but couldn't he just beat Starscream into submission? Slag, slag, slag, we need to tell the others!"

He hurried over to the others, who had sat down near the back of the rows, since the other Decepticons were all squabbling still for the front seats. The first row was reserved for the 'closest' members of the Decepticons - Lugnut, Blitzwing, Blackarachnia - in a small cage to the right of the stage Sari noticed her father with excitement, and was relieved to see he looked healthy enough. She would have to sneak over to him and free him later on.

"Guys! You guys! You won't believe who the bride is!" Bumblebee squeaked, jumping up and down excitedly, almost knocking Sari off his shoulders. "It's _Starscream_!"

Optimus Prime blinked. "But Bumblebee, it can't be Starscream…Starscream is standing right over there," he said, not knowing that he was in fact pointing at Thundercracker, who had joined in the battle for the best seat.

"Where are you pointing, man? He's standing over there," Jazz said, surprised, pointing at the other of Starscream's clones, who was hiding behind Megatron's throne in the corner of the main hall.

The Autobots sat silently, bewildered. First Starscream was apparently the bride; now he had a twin as well - that, or he had divided himself in two like some sort of amoeba. It clicked for Ratchet first.

"They're more of his clones!" he gasped, "They aren't the real Starscream!"

"Then…does that mean the _real_ Starscream is the bride?" Bulkhead said, scratching his head in confusion. It dawned on the others slowly, one by one, and a great, stunned silence spread over them, except for Sentinel who was pretending he wasn't there. After all, to Sentinel, Decepticons getting married was disgusting no matter which two of them were the bride and groom.

Lockdown noticed the very still group of Autobots first, and was a bit unnerved to see them all sitting, frozen, optics bulging. "What's their problem?" he asked, turning to face the recently arrived Astrotrain.

"Eh. They're Autobots. What can you do?" shrugged the triple-changer, turning back around to dive for his preferred seat.

"I'm gonna be sick," Optimus Prime announced suddenly. Ultra Magnus grimaced.

"Keep it in, Optimus. We can't upset or offend them in any way. This is a very delicate situation," he instructed, looking slightly queasy himself. "We just need to sit through the ceremony, stand around at the party, and then get the slag out alive."

Suddenly, Shockwave walked out from the left of the platform, and stood up on it. With one accord, the Decepticons stopped squabbling and sat down quietly, looking excited and giddy. The Autobots looked around, confused. Shockwave scanned his single optic around the room, then Lugnut came out from the left side of the stage as well, sitting down in the front row. From the right hand side, Blitzwing and Blackarachnia came out and sat down. Briefly, Optimus' spark swelled at the sight of Blackarachnia, but was quickly distracted as Megatron marched out, standing at the far left of the stage.

The groom looked stern, but it was obvious even to Optimus that he was just trying to keep his nerves in check. His silver armour gleamed in the artificial light of the main hall, the red parts shining a vicious, bloody red. The young Prime had to admit to himself that Megatron did have a certain, dangerous charm to him, unattractive as his face was, as the Decepticon leader stood to his full height, gigantic, well-proportioned body looming over the crowd (though he quashed the thought quickly as his nausea returned).

Then came Starscream from the right, and all of the Autobots gasped slightly. The long, tiring session of waxing, polishing and beating out dents had certainly paid off, Starscream's armour shining vividly, almost glowing. He looked meek, dignified, peaceful - quite unlike the smirking, sarcastic, vicious expressions that littered his face whenever he battled with the Autobots, and it was then that they realized why Starscream had a reputation as being good-looking. His optics were calm, and there was a small smile drifting over his face. Both bride and groom had their weapons removed.

Shockwave cleared his vocalizer. The ceremony had begun.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14 - In which the ceremony takes place**

* * *

"Respected Decepticons…and…um…Autobots…" Shockwave began, looking around with a somewhat perplexed expression at the audience of guests (or as much as one could look perplexed with only one eye and no mouth). The audience fell into a hushed silence.

"We are gathered here today in the sight of friends, allies and enemies," he continued, putting somewhat sarcastic stress on the last word, then carrying on in his usual serious tone, "to join Decepticon Megatron and Decepticon Starscream in holy matrimony. It is not to be entered unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently and soberly, these two mechs present have come to be joined."

With this, Megatron and Starscream walked from their opposite sides of the platform - Megatron from the left, Starscream from the right - and kneeled in front of each other, clasping their hands together. Megatron noticed at once that Starscream's claws were shaking against his, and he held them tighter, giving the flier a small, encouraging smile that he hoped would ease Starscream's nerves.

Shockwave looked up from the data pad from which he was reading and paused. "If anyone can show just cause why they may not lawfully be joined together, let them speak now or forever hold their peace." Megatron and Starscream looked up at the audience with Shockwave, the Decepticon leader's eyes burning like fires from the pit, almost in a dare, a challenge to any of the audience members to even attempt to protest. In complete contrast, Starscream gave a cool, icy glare to the spectators. Bumblebee and Sari shrank behind Bulkhead's large frame, holding their breath in anticipation, and next to them Optimus and Ultra Magnus restrained Sentinel Prime, each with one hand slapped firmly over Sentinel's mouth.

"Right then," Shockwave continued, betraying an overwhelming sense of relief. "Megatron, do you take Starscream for your lawful wedded wife, to have and to hold even in death, to live together from now until your body rusts and falls away into dust? Will you love, honor and cherish this mech, from this day forward, for richer or for poorer, for better or worse, through blood and battle, through war, revolution, and peace, through viruses and firewalls, and forsaking all others, keeping only unto him for as long as you both shall exist?"

"I do," Megatron said solemnly, staring into Starscream's optics. Unconsciously, he tightened his grip around the seeker's hands possessively.

Shockwave turned to face the flier. "Starscream, do you take Megatron for your lawful wedded husband, to have and to hold even in death, to live together from now until your body rusts and falls away into dust? Will you love, honor and cherish this mech, from this day forward, for richer or for poorer, for better or worse, through blood and battle, through war, revolution, and peace, through viruses and firewalls, and forsaking all others, keeping only unto him for as long as you both shall exist?"

"I do," replied Starscream, softly but clearly, and smiled gently at Megatron.

"Remove your discs," Shockwave announced. Letting go of their hands for a moment, Megatron and Starscream each opened up their own spark chambers delicately, and from a small cavity behind the spark (or where Starscream's spark should have been, in the flier's case), removed a tiny disc matching the colours of their armour. Both Decepticons held the disks out in front of each other, balanced reverently in both hands.

"With these discs, I join you, as a symbol of your love and commitment," Shockwave said, nodding as their cue to exchange discs. Megatron and Starscream did so silently, and inserted the other's disk into the cavity of their spark chambers.

Both Megatron and Starscream offlined with a gentle whine, optics dimming, bodies slumping together; the audience looked on in suspense. Moments passed - some of the more emotional Decepticons exchanged worried glances, until at last, the familiar whirring of engines kicked back into gear and the bride and groom came online slowly, blinking themselves awake. As they kneeled upright once more, their spark chambers became visible to the audience again - around Megatron's spark orbited a thin ring, flickering between light blue-grey and pink-red, while in the empty spark chamber of Starscream a white, thick ring flecked with red twirled around where his spark once was. The two shared a quiet sigh of relief, stealing a proud glance at the other's spark chambers.

"As Megatron and Starscream have consented together in wedlock, having given and pledged their lives and allegiance to each other, and having declared the same by the giving and receiving of discs, I pronounce that they are husband and wife. You may kiss the bride," Shockwave concluded warmly. The entire audience, Autobots and Decepticons alike, made grimaces, rude noises and faces of disgust, except for Prowl, Jazz, Blackarachnia and Blitzwing who cheered and yelled "bravo!" at the couple onstage. Blitzwing permit himself to shed a small tear of joy.

"Oh, _shut_ up," Megatron chuckled at the audience, then bent down to kiss his smirking Starscream. The kiss was happily returned, the smaller seeker bending his face upwards for his kiss - eliciting more wails of agony from the audience at the lovey-dovey, very un-Decepticon scene in front of them.

"Hey, they're done now," one of the Decepticons called suddenly, and as Megatron and Starscream stood up, hands joined, the jeers and disgust turned to cheering and woops of congratulations, well-wishing and celebration.

Soundwave took this as his cue to start blaring out obnoxious, cheesy church-organ music.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15 - In which our story concludes**

This is the last chapter, everybody! I really hope that you've enjoyed it, and I'd love to hear your overall impressions now that it's finished! This has been a ton of fun to write, but it's done now...or perhaps it is just beginning? ;)

A warning - this chapter has slash in it. If you're not a fan, you might want to skip this chapter and pretend it ended with chapter 14.

* * *

Starscream felt giddy.

The energon was nearly finished now and the main hall was littered with empty cubes and bottles. All of the energon-cakes had been consumed (at least half of them by Blitzwing, who had then thrown them back up outside to the horror of Ultra Magnus). In the mirth and celebration, Megatron had completely forgotten to poison the Autobots, and like the Decepticons they were drunk on oil and high-grade, Mixmaster and Scrapper taking turns coming up with rude limericks about what Megatron was going to do to Starscream by the end of the night. Sentinel had finally taken off his battle mask, and was singing old war songs with Lugnut and Lockdown, despite only Lockdown ever having been involved in an actual war. Nobody had noticed, either, that the two human guests, the Sumdacs, had both disappeared mysteriously, and by now were safely back at Sumdac Tower.

Blackarachnia was dancing with Optimus - it was getting late now, and Soundwave had turned to blaring out corny romantic ballads that none of the Decepticons would have been able to stand, had they been sober. Bumblebee was trying to teach Bulkhead how to dance, while Jazz and Prowl sat together in a corner, giving each other a shy kiss on the cheek now and then. Blitzwing had told all of the guests about the earth custom for the bride to throw a bouquet to the next bride-to-be, but not having any flowers big enough, Starscream had decided to throw an entire packet of energon candy. Prowl had caught it and subsequently shot a shy smile towards Jazz, much to Sentinel Prime's dismay. Thundercracker had managed to get Skywarp incredibly drunk, and the two were spinning all around the room, knocking into people in a fast dance that wasn't in time to the slow beat at all.

Starscream had been dancing with Megatron since the first song - now that he had the flier, Megatron was not in the mood to give him up, even for a dance. The seeker laid his head sleepily against his husband's shoulders, hand in hand, rocking side to side. Starscream smiled absently at the surroundings through the haze, glad that everything had gone well and for once both factions were having fun together. He nuzzled himself closer to Megatron happily, and he felt the Decepticon leader squeeze his hands tightly in return, leading Starscream in their sway to the gentle melodies.

Strange, thought the flier to himself, how happy and content he felt in the arms of the one he once despised. Stranger still to think that they were officially married now, and would lead the Decepticons together from now until they were deactivated. The large, silver arms around his waist pulled him closer, and Starscream could feel the warm spark pulsing - with his claim now firmly orbiting around it - behind the chest he was pressed against. More confident through the bubbly energon he had consumed, Starscream kissed at Megatron's neck.

He vaguely registered that something smelt a bit off in the room as he pecked at his new lover's neck, registering in the back of his processor that a curious looking orange robot was talking the head off Swindle. The arms dealer was, in fact, recharging and snoring loudly above the music, having consumed far too much oil, but this didn't seem to bother the orange robot one bit.

"When did Wreck-Gar crash the party?" Starscream laughed into Megatron's audio components. The silver mech shrugged carelessly, chuckling to himself, and turned his head to kiss Starscream on the nose. The seeker giggled, smiling lazily, and Megatron leaned his head on Starscream's. Suddenly, he noticed that Shockwave was tapping on his shoulder.

"It is all loaded up and ready for your departure, sire," Shockwave announced with a hint of a slur, not one known for holding his drink well. Megatron nodded.

"Then I leave you in charge until my…I mean, our return," he replied, smiling down at Starscream. He stopped swaying his little wife then, and gripped Starscream's hands firmly. "Optics closed," he commanded gently, and Starscream offlined his optics without a fuss this time. The flier felt himself being led forwards, away from the main hall - the noise, rude songs and chatter fading away behind him.

Megatron kissed his closed optics as a signal to open them again. When the seeker opened them, he saw a small holiday ship with the Decepticon insignia painted onto it, along with the words "Just married!!" in Blitzwing's scrawly handwriting. A tiny sign on the side marked the ship as being named "The Fear".

"Tell me, my dear…" Megatron murmured into his audios, "where would you like to go for our honeymoon?" Starscream beamed up at him, then leaned closer.

"How about…somewhere private…and secluded…just for us," he said flirtatiously. "How does Mars sound?"

"It sounds perfect," grinned the Decepticon leader roguishly, pushing Starscream into the ship gently. The ship seemed a lot like the Nemesis to Starscream in its interior - dim lights, purple and black decoration, with all of their presents piled into the control room. He gave it a quick tour, though there wasn't all that much to see - a storage room full of various essentials, energon and the like, a bedroom with a berth large enough to fit the both of them and then some, and a small leisure room filled with various trinkets. Soon, Megatron had arranged all of the controls, and they were blasted off Earth, away from the reception and into space.

The Decepticon leader waited a while to make sure the ship was in order and full working condition, setting a course for Mars, then turned on the auto-pilot and went to join Starscream's exploration of the ship.

"I would have thought you'd already started opening presents by now," he teased the seeker. Starscream seemed to only just remember that they had presents, and rushed back into the control room, dragging Megatron with him to start opening presents. "You do the honours," drawled the silver mech, smiling indulgently at Starscream's glittering optics as he looked around the presents.

"From Lugnut," Starscream said, picking up the label of a small package. He ripped off the wrapping paper like a child on Christmas, then stared at the presents, confused. Megatron frowned.

"What is it?" he asked. Starscream held up a wide data pad - on it was a crude, childish drawing of Starscream and Megatron holding hands, Megatron in a top hat and Starscream in a veil. Above it was written "Mightee Leadars" in thick letters. Megatron roared with laughter at how terrible the two figures were, though he supposed it was a nice try, at least.

From Blackarachnia, a selection of paints for Starscream's lip components, which the recipient was not too impressed with. From Wreck-Gar, a toilet seat with fishes on, though, being giant alien robots, neither Megatron nor Starscream could figure out what its purpose was. From Swindle, a kit for cleaning weapons - the first gift that had actually been useful in some way. From Lockdown, a 50 percent discount on his services for the next millennium, which Megatron perhaps appreciated much more than Starscream. A card from the Elite-Guard with well-wishings in place of a gift, as agreed previously. Blitzwing had constructed an ice-cube maker based on his own schematics - although it looked a little odd, the inhabitants of The Fear agreed it might be nice to have cold energon drinks. Skywarp and Thundercracker had each contributed a rock from the moon that they'd carved with their null rays, though again, neither Megatron nor Starscream could figure out what they were meant to resemble.

Then came the presents from Astrotrain, Octane, Mixmaster, Scrapper, Soundwave and Oil-slick; all useful things like glass cubes for drinking energon from, expensive waxes and polishes, an I.O.U from the Constructicons for an extension to the underground base on Earth, a music player already loaded with Soundwave's favourite mix of songs.

Finally, last but not least, was the gift from the Autobots. Megatron insisted on opening this one, in case it was a trap, and tore the paper off much more gently and neatly than Starscream had all the other presents. To his surprise, however, it wasn't a trap or dangerous at all.

"What did they give us?" Starscream said curiously, peeking over Megatron's large shoulders.

"A cooling blanket for our berth," Megatron said quietly, looking at the purple blanket carefully. He grinned, turning to Starscream with a devilish glint in his optics. "And it's big enough for two."

Starscream smirked. "Maybe we should test it…make sure it's safe and all," he teased. Megatron bared his teeth in his most dangerous grin, then pounced for Starscream, lifting the seeker up easily in his arms. He gave him a light kiss on the lips, then picked up the blanket and draped it around his newfound lover, walking towards the bedroom.

He laid Starscream down gently on the berth, spreading the purple cooling blanket over him, then crawled in underneath alongside him. "Lovely," he murmured, snuggling closer to Starscream. For a while he was content to simply watch the seeker next to him - big, almond shaped eyes staring up at him, accompanied by a coy smile as his lover wrapped his arms around his large body. The smaller Decepticon leaned his head against Megatron's chest, tugging idly at the purple cooling blanket - neither of them would admit it, but it was definitely comfortable. Megatron growled slightly as Starscream played at the edges of it, pressing him closer so that Starscream's hands and arms were around him again, the flier's attention taken up only by his berth-mate.

"Kiss me," Starscream giggled. Megatron didn't need to be asked twice, and leaving his self control behind him, he rolled Starscream over onto his back so that he lay on top of the smaller mech, kissing him more passionately than he had allowed himself before now. Starscream laughed into the kiss, returning just as much - sucking, pulling and tugging at Megatron's lips, while their tongues danced together. Predictably, Megatron began to use his teeth after a while, nibbling and grazing the seeker's mouth roughly.

Starscream broke away first, intakes gasping for air, aided by the cooling blanket. Megatron rumbled his engines, satisfied, looking down at the enticing image before him - energon was trickling down from Starscream's smiling lips where he had pierced the metal, and he bent to lick the wound clean. From Starscream's mouth, he moved his tongue slowly down to the delicate neck laid bare before him, sucking and tugging at it, chewing, nibbling, then licking fresh wounds clean. Underneath him, the seeker writhed in the mix of pain and pleasure, clutching and clawing at his back and making adorable clicks and chirrups like a sparkling.

Suddenly though, Starscream flinched. Megatron looked up, expression darkening. "What's wrong?"

"I felt…" stuttered the seeker, "I felt something…like my spark pulsing in my chest…but…it can't…can it?"

Megatron chuckled. "Is this just an excuse to get our spark chambers open faster? Honestly, can't you be more patient?" he said wryly.

"I'm serious!" protested the seeker with a pout. Megatron smiled, then dragged a finger softly down from Starscream's mouth, down his neck, and to his cockpit, circling it a few times, causing Starscream to squirm in delight beneath his weight. He moved his torso aside slightly to give him easier access to Starscream's chest, fiddling with the mechanism that drew back the glass for a moment until it snapped back with a whirr. Megatron gasped softly.

Very faintly, but visible nonetheless, was a pale, ghostly spark, pulsing violently with Megatron's ring, a thousand times brighter and more solid in comparison, orbiting it rapidly. He laughed to himself in disbelief. "It seems you have a ghost for a spark, little wife," he murmured. Starscream bent his head up curiously, trying to see, optics growing wide at the ghostly light inside his cockpit.

"I suppose it must have been there all along," Megatron said thoughtfully, "since you have acted and stayed yourself ever since I punched you with the key. You would have been just a drone without it…but why didn't we see it before?"

"Maybe…" Starscream said softly, "maybe it didn't have an incentive to show itself before." He looked away shyly. Megatron grinned.

"Would you like to see what else we can do to it, other than make it flutter in anticipation?" he purred, rubbing closer against the seeker. Starscream laughed.

"What happened to 'I don't want you for something as disgusting as bonding', hmm?" giggled Starscream.

Megatron snorted. "Oh, come now, I was just trying to get you to say yes to me."

Starscream shoved him off playfully, pretending to look upset, before Megatron jumped back onto him once again and tickled the inside and around Starscream's spark chamber mischievously. The smaller mech gasped, both laughing at the ticklish sensation and moaning in pleasure, scraping his claws against Megatron's back while the silver Decepticon leader wrapped his arms around the small, feminine waist of his lover. Starscream arched up towards him, both becoming rougher and more vicious now, biting, scratching, pulling, tugging, whispers turning to shouts, moans turning to cries. Megatron sat up for a moment, opening his spark chamber and looking down towards the seeker's face, as if asking permission.

"I thought you'd never ask," Starscream whispered hoarsely, pulling Megatron gently back down towards him. Tenderly, delicately - almost lovingly, Megatron eased himself towards Starscream's ghostly spark, their energies almost touching now. Starscream cried out suddenly - it was with amusement that Megatron realized this was obviously the seeker's first bonding - and Megatron pulled back a little, giving Starscream time to get used to his exposed spark being so near.

"More," whined Starscream, and Megatron leaned down again, spark and ghost rubbing together now. Starscream arched up against him, legs kicking and tangling around Megatron's under the cooling blanket. "Please…"

Slowly, gently, Megatron lowered himself down completely onto his lover, torsos together, legs intertwined, spark enveloping the ghost of Starscream's life-force. Both leant their heads back, sighing in pleasure and contentment, as their pulses joined, twisting together in a frantic dance, beating a melody made for two, a duet of life and death. Almost at the same time, the new king and queen of the Decepticons felt a single thought wash over them through the ecstasy, wrapping itself around their circuits, flowing through every wire, joint and bolt, gliding over their bonded sparks…For the first time, they could admit to each other what they had hated so much for so many years.

"_I love you_."


End file.
